3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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