Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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