Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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