I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
