He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I love having hate sex.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
