So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
