awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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