oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
