yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
