I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
