Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
