Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
