Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
