you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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