He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
