the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
that's an acceptable place to lick
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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