Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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