I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
