which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
