plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
