he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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