I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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