If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
