i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Boobs are out for the taking
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
