So gin and wine won't be happening again
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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