I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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