I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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