ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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