I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You're like the curious george of whores
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
