he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
