at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
