News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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