dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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