Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
