I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
