I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
