I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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