Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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