We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
