Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
