the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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