Taylor Swift is so right about you.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
