Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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