Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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