Sry I called you an 8
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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