Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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