Small penises have feelings too.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
