I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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