Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
