I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
