I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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