Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
