that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
